how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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