You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
