i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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