I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
