If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
