i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
