I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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