you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
