I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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