Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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