i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
lol hangovers are for mortals.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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