i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
We are all done wearing pants today
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
The ass gains better be worth it
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