he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
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