$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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