you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
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