remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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