4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
So much Jack, so little girl.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
