im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
