Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
