Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
