Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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