So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
