Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
