oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
