i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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