In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
So many bounce houses so little time
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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