goodnight i made you a song goodbye
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
