So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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