It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
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Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
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Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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