roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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