Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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