My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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