So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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