i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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