420 ftw
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
