your thong is hanging out like whoa
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
