I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
