Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
