No stitches, just platelets and will power
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
