I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
