She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
