I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
