I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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