It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
