I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
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Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
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It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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