I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
