dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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