dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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