Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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