he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
