toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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