Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
