just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
