Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
