I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
