No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
