meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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