Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
