Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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