I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
