I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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