She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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