i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
