God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
