so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
