There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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