am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
