Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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