shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
