new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
