fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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